i dont get God sometimes. i dont get death. i dont get why some people have to go through hell. it doesnt make sense.

it just isnt fair.

i know we must trust, but i never knew trusting could be so hard. and not even for me so much, but for them...for both of the hoffmans and the olivers.

Lord- be their comfort, be their rescue.

and be mine.

"We can't words to it but down deep we fear there is something terribly wrong with us. If we were the princess, then our prince would have come. If we were the daughter of a king, he would have fought for us. We can't help but believe that if we were different, if we were better, then we would have been loved as we so longed to be. It must be us."- Captivating

What is this thing in me- and in most men- that just doesn’t want to go deep into a woman’s world? You are too much. Too hard. It’s too much work. Men are simple. And isn’t that the message you’ve lived with all your life as a woman? “You’re too much, and not enough. You’re not worth the effort.” (And why is it such an effort? There must be something wrong with you.) –pg 86

This is something I have really struggled with. I've believed the lie that I am "too much." I've been told that one too many times and I've begun to let my heart believe it. It is a battle to guard my heart from those lies, to remember who i am in the Lord and that i am worth the effort.

“The gift of presence is a rare and beautiful gift. To come- unguarded, undistracted-and be fully present, fully engaged with whoever we are with at that moment.” –Captivating

My friend Carol really gets this idea. I dont. I am a "doer" not a "being." I have a really hard time just "being." I need to be constantly doing something, so to come undistracted and be fully present to someone i care about is so hard for me but im learning that it really is the best gift i can ever give.

“The scariest thing for women is to offer our beauty into situations where we don’t know if it will make any difference. Or worse, that we will be rejected. For our Question is, Am I lovely? And to be rejected is to hear a resounding, No. A woman doesn’t want to offer her beauty unless she is guaranteed that it will be well received. But life offers no such guarantees. We, too, must take risks.” – Captivating

 I will jump off of almost anything. I will sky dive (soon hopefully). I will go to Africa. I will even go to jail without shedding a single tear. But- "offer my beauty" in a place or to someone i dont know will take care of it??? i dont think so. i am exceptionally guarded and private (ironic considering im writing this on "xanga") but still..i am. but i must take risks, but sometimes- well when i have, i get hurt and i dont want to do it again. i dont want to get stung one more time. "but life offers no such guarantees." ones of these days...the risk will be so worth it.

so....I'm a tad excited.

BECAUSE

WE JUST GOT A BEAUTIFUL, BIG HOUSE IN DOWNTOWN SILOAM!!!!!!

i signed the lease yesterday so its ours!!! I cant sleep anymore because i cant stop thinking about all the things i want to do to the house, how i want to decorate, organize, etc. (if you know me at all you know how excited i can get about organizing and cleaning...its pathetic) but anyways...im SOOOO excited.

i feel like this is my "jubilee"- i know it sounds corny, but its true. the Lord is showing me alot right now, and i believe this house is huge. there is alot more sentiment and depth to what im trying to say but i wont go into it.

so if anyone wants to visit, just give us (Amber Aparicio, Abby Leonard, Natalie Wall, Christy Joachims and me- plus also the list of girls who will be "unofficially" living there/being there all the time/who i really wish were living there...you know who you are and i love you sooo much) a call and you can come by! We have the house now, but we're working on it and trying to get together some things but we should still celebrate soon- with no furniture. haha.

so ya. im also really in love with life.

Examples:

-spring break= incredible (pics are in facebook-those explain it all)

-my dad is probably the most incredible person ive met

-im getting to know more guy friends on campus- finally!

-my half marathon is in a few weeks-kinda nervous/kinda excited

-excitement on the possibility of south africa this summer

-DADA

-spring time:)

-God showing me his face in unique ways ive never seen before

-beginning to understand why this yr. happened

-learning to love at a deeper level

-being able to relate to more people

-quality conversations

im sure theres more. but im off.

have a great day!

+elizabeth+